Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
