Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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