well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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