John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
