I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Panties = found
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
