Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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