She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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