I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
