woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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