If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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