How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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