OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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