he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
