I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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