So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
