We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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