I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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