yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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