im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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