Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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