At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
