4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
