3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
