Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
