The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
