omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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