Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
