pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
