my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
