I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
