Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
