Who wears a wallet chain?!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
