yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
there is glitter all over my balls
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
