Non-Jews are for practice
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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