I just made out with a guy for $7.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
