What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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