I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
