o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.