i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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