break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove