I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza