What did we do last night that was yellow?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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