That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?