she was so not down for the gang bang
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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