dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
