3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
