Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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