I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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