Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
