return my video game
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
