so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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