I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize