So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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