I love having hate sex.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
