i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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