omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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