i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i love accidental penises.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
