remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
