My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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