i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
