Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
