I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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