I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
