he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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