Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
