I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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