Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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