I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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