she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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