dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
