So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She even gives head with a lisp.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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