we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
