I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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