sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize