Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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